A louder me

Ok, so most people know I like writing. I can be big and brave and loud with my fingers on a keyboard and I’m super-confident in my use of written words. Gobby, even, sometimes. But people who know me personally also know I’m a little shy and retiring in person.

Something – probably several somethings and quite a few somebodies – told me that I needed to move forward, to find my actual voice as well as my writing voice. I have a lot to share, most of which I think is really valuable and could change people’s lives. Writing is great, and allows me to explain what I want to say in detail. It also helps me to work out what it is I have to say, to clarify my message. But if I am going to reach as many people as possible, then I need to be able to stand up, in my own body, visible, and speak with my actual voice as well.

So I booked to attend Richard Wilkins’ ‘How to be an amazing inspirational speaker’ course. I was first supposed to go in May, but my mother fell and broke her hip two days beforehand and, since I am the person who looks after her, I couldn’t do it then. But I trust that the Universe knows its timing, and that this last weekend was actually the perfect time for me.

There was quite a level of commitment required for me to get there. I had to leave instructions for the Teenager to look after Alfie, make sure that people were on hand for Mother if she needed someone while I was away, book a hotel room for two nights and tell the firm I work for that I wasn’t available for the whole weekend. Wow! Listing all that shows me just how committed I have been!

Even so, when I walked into the room on Saturday morning I was terrified. My ‘Script’ had been telling me that I shouldn’t go, that I am too quiet and shy, too old, too boring and what’s more I haven’t (yet) done Richard’s BC (Broadband Consciousness) course that he runs with his amazing partner Liz Ivory. Luckily, Richard caught me right as I walked in, gave me a big hug and assured me that, yes, I was in the right place.

There were 24 of us and we were divided into four tables, working together throughout the two days. Periodically, we took turns to give five minute talks to our table-mates. The constant emphasis was on being our unique, authentic selves, allowing our vulnerability and knowing that it was ok to feel not ready, afraid and ‘less than.’ If we waited until we felt ready, we would never step up. Richard and Liz assured us that we each have a valuable message, a compelling and unique voice, and the ability to inspire. The great thing was this: although we might not feel that those things applied to us, we could absolutely see that they did apply to our fellow speakers. And they told us that they had the same insecurities as we did. So it really started to sink in: we compare our raw, frightened insides with the confident exteriors of others and when we do that we always come off worst. We started to accept that perhaps Richard was right, perhaps we were as truly inspirational and captivating as the people sitting with us.

Now, if you have seen Richard speak, you will know that he is unique among unique speakers. Eccentric, individual, larger than life and hugely funny. No-one could hope to be like him. But we were told from the very beginning that the aim was not to be like Richard. It was to be like ourselves. Richard told us that it is not only ok, it is necessary to be nervous, and shared with us ways to find the energy we would need to speak to a roomful of people, and to keep track of what we wanted to say. Gradually, bit by bit, much of the mystery surrounding inspirational speaking fell away. There is no special qualification, apart from having something that you want to share with people. And as Richard frequently says, ‘the secret to overcoming fear is having a message that’s bigger than your fear.’

On Sunday afternoon, we were scheduled, one by one, to give a short talk to the entire room. We were all afraid. I knew what it was that scared me most of all. I have spoken to groups larger than that before, in both a professional capacity and in spiritual meetings. But never, ever, has my reason for speaking been something like, ‘listen to me, I am going to inspire you by speaking from my heart. I have something to say that is totally unique and you will love it.’ Never. I felt as if I was going to stand at the front of the room with the top layer of my skin peeled off.

Anyway, I did it, as did everyone else. It was fine. Every single one of us received a standing ovation plus whoops and cheers before we started and after we finished. There was no criticism, only encouragement. It was not like the presentation course I attended in my 20s where they filmed us, then showed us how we were standing wrong, speaking too fast, and, in my case, counted the number of ‘ums.’ (I still cringe at that memory!) It was a safe, encouraging environment to allow ourselves to stand out and speak up. And we all did it. Many of us, I think, surprised ourselves.

I have come home absolutely determined to continue to use my actual voice, and to look for opportunities to use it. I have come home with more belief in myself. I have also come home having made new special friends with whom I share an important bond. I believe in them, and I know they believe in me, so we can continue to remind each other to step up, share our truth and make the world a better place, one word at a time.

This is important. The course was described as a speakers’ course, but not everyone there was intending to be a speaker. Of course some of those may have changed their minds by now! If Richard and Liz ever decide to run another one, and if you would like to learn how to communicate more authentically for any reason – for work, with your friends and family, just because it would feel good – please consider this course. I am sure there is nothing else like it. In two days, you can find out what you have to say, and how to say it while retaining your uniqueness and integrity. Priceless.

And here’s a big thank you. To Richard and Liz for allowing me to find strength in my vulnerability, and to all the other attendees for sharing their vulnerability, their truth and their uniqueness. The world needs you – don’t deprive it of your message!

PS. To find out more about Richard and Liz, have a look at the Ministry of Information website. And read Liz’s book, It’s Not Your Fault.