In the West, we are conditioned to believe that we can – should – think our way out of our problems. Worrying is seen as not only inevitable but a good thing. If you confess that you don’t worry, you may be seen as irresponsible. I have known for a long time, however, that worrying is pointless. You will never prevent anything bad from happening simply by worrying. And, if the bad thing doesn’t happen, you have wasted time, energy and potential joy. Knowing this and actually putting it into practice are two very different things, however. It took my Big Problem to teach me the practical way to freedom from worry.
It is very important to know, if you have a Big Problem, that you do not have to think about it all the time. In fact, you probably don’t have to think about it very much at all. Unless you are actually discussing your problem with a professional or other person who can do something about it, or you are doing something else practical such as writing a letter, doing sums or some other relevant activity, you actually have no business thinking about your crisis. It’s a waste of your life.
I’ve done some investigation recently into what I’m calling mental discipline. That is, being able to control our thoughts in the same way as we control the rest of our bodies. I’m beginning to think it’s more possible than we might believe. A very simple way to begin this is a technique I first learned from Lynn Grabhorn’s “Excuse me, your life is waiting”. I call this my “topic of the day”, and the mechanics are very simple: on a daily basis, you choose a subject to think about in advance, and, whenever thoughts of your biggest problems come into your mind, you switch your thinking to focus on that days topic instead. Grabhorn suggests that the subject be some sort of self-appreciation; I’ve found that I can widen the net to include any positive thought or idea, still usually to do with my own life. It can be something I’m excited about or very grateful for, an affirmation or something nice someone has said.
It takes practice. You have to tell yourself that it really is ok not to think about your Big Problem, and that it really is ok to feel good! At first you will have to try this over and over and over, and it may not be easy, but it really is worth persisting. I have been a top class worrier; any of my friends or family would tell you that. But I have to say that now I don’t worry very much. Perhaps about little things, like being late, but not about the big ones. It’s counter-productive, and it really is possible to ditch the habit.
This technique has multiple benefits. The most important, in times of crisis, is that you avoid over-thinking, or worrying, about your problem. If you do this, you will become stressed, which is likely to make you ineffective and even unwell. You are also likely to be unhappy and grouchy. Who wants to feel like that on top of having a Big Problem?
The second benefit is that, through determined use of this technique, you will feel generally happier, freer and more positive. You need all your resources to deal with your crisis, whatever it is, and so you do need to be in good shape!
The next stage, once you have got into the habit of swapping your worrying, whenever it looms up, for your topic of the day, is to think about your topic even when you are not worrying. This will really help to lift your mood generally, and you will soon find that you feel much more confident of your ability to order your thoughts, choose what you focus on, and avoid obsessive worrying which only promotes anxiety. Give it a try – what have you got to lose?
