Dealing with big problems 6 – a gardening parable about letting go

There were once two men who lived next door to each other. They both had beautiful gardens which they loved to look after. They spent a lot of time cultivating, weeding, mowing and pruning, and, when the work was done for the day, enjoyed relaxing and playing in their beautiful spaces with their families.

One year, a horrible disease which attacks trees came to the neighbourhood. Each of the men had a splendid tree which was struck down by this disease. The leaves started to discolour and die, and there was a possibility the trees would be destroyed.

Both men were very upset, but they dealt with the problem in different ways. The first man became obsessed with the tree. Every morning, and several times throughout the day, he would go into his garden to stare at the tree, examine in detail over and over all the damage and blemishes, and compare in his mind the diseased tree with its former healthy self. He was so consumed with attending to the tree that he started to ignore the rest of the garden. Half the time he fretted over the tree, and the other half of the time he couldn’t bear to go into the garden because he knew he would be so upset whenever he saw the tree.

He kept meaning to call an expert to give him advice, but he procrastinated because he was so afraid that the expert might give him bad news. The tree died and the rest of the garden became chaotic and overgrown with weeds because he had neglected it. The man felt that he really hated his garden.

The second man was equally upset. At first he spent a lot of time staring at the tree, examining it and worrying about it, and he neglected the garden. Soon, however, he realised that the rest of his garden was suffering, he was suffering and his family was suffering. He couldn’t do much about the tree but he could look after the rest of the garden, himself and his family. He resolved to spend only that time on the tree that was necessary to look after it and follow expert advice. The expert he called in told him how to take care of the tree and he did exactly as he was told.

The rest of the time, however, he let go of his concerns about the tree. He mowed the lawn, weeded the borders and planted new flowers. He became even more grateful for his garden because he realised how fragile it could be and how much he valued it. The rest of the garden flourished and looked even more beautiful than it had ever done before. He learned to be grateful for the problems with the tree because of his renewed interest in his garden and the expert knowledge he had gained about trees. He loved his garden more than ever.

What happened? Well, both trees eventually died. The first man moved to an apartment so he would never have to think about gardening again. He wondered whether it was his fault that the tree had died, whether in fact it might have survived if he had called an expert and not neglected the garden. The second man continued to love his garden, and used the tree stump as garden furniture. He knew that he couldn’t have done any more to try and save his tree. He found he had learned so much more about gardening, and trees in particular, that he left his job and set up a business as a specialist garden designer.

I’m sure it’s obvious: we are the men, the trees are our problems, and the gardens are our lives. We all have sick trees every now and then, and sometimes the outcome isn’t as we would want. But if we do what we can, then accept the situation and let go, and tend to the rest of our life, things can actually get much better than they were before. Which gardener are you?