Do you live in your head?

If you are a natural worrier, like me, you probably live in your head most of the time, and may even find it difficult to connect with the rest of your body. Some of us can even feel disconnected from our feelings. That was certainly me in the past. This situation can be problematic if we would like to worry less. Worrying happens in our heads, and we tend to get caught in a trap of believing that we can sort out our problems – and thus suffer less with worry – if we just keep thinking. Unfortunately, this is very rarely true.

This is how worry and anxiety work together in my experience. First, I have a worrying thought, and it is followed by a twinge of anxiety. The thought is in my head and the anxiety happens in my body. Because I feel anxious, I automatically think about it (‘why am I anxious?’ etc). The more I think, the more anxious I get, and the more anxious I become, the more I try to think my way out of it. It goes on in a loop, getting worse and more uncomfortable.

Last year, I was taught by a very wise woman, my friend Bharti Kerai, to drop my attention from the story in my head to the feelings in my body. Once I had discovered how easy this is to do, I found that when I was given some bad news, or someone said something upsetting, or whatever, I could quickly detach from the thoughts by focussing on the feelings in my body. The feelings might be uncomfortable, but, without my head getting involved and making them worse, more intense, faster, they are much more manageable. Once I’ve detached, it’s so much easier to calm down and get on with whatever has to be done, whether it’s connected to the issue that originally made me feel anxious or not.

This is a very sketchy description of a process that has been life-changing for me. If you want to know more, keep an eye open for my forthcoming book which explains it in much more detail. I’m also planning a series of short videos starting in a month or so, to enable me to share tips like this.

There are also longer term strategies we can use to help us to refocus, let go of that intense state of living in our heads, and learn to inhabit our whole bodies. Yoga has been key for me. Finding a good yoga class, which really means a great yoga teacher, can help us to let go of that compulsion to think all the time, to learn to respect and understand our bodies and to experience the joy and satisfaction that can be found in living fully in our whole selves. Breathing in a more healthy way, moving more mindfully and learning to be still are all part of the process.

I love to do all sorts of exercise but, if I want to nurture myself and stay free of compulsive worry, that exercise has to be wisely planned, supportive of my health and free from any sense of punishment. I need to choose types of exercise that I enjoy, and for me that includes walking and running, and tough resistance routines. If I was more co-ordinated I would dance more, and if I was a team person I would play netball. We’ll be looking at play and having fun in a few days’ time, and these are also important elements of a worry-free lifestyle.

Making friends with your body can result in big differences, and it’s easy to achieve, but I do know that if you are used to living in your head, it can be a big deal to make a start. Letting go of that compulsion to think, of the belief that all problems are solved intellectually, can feel scary and discombobulating. It’s ok – it really is! It just feels odd because you’ve lived in your head for such a very long time. Start with something easy, like a mindful walk or a little yoga, and gently and gradually incorporate more time into your day when you are aware of your entire body. Notice how your hands and feet feel, notice your breath. If something upsetting happens, see if you can refocus on your feelings and let go of the urge to think it all through. The changes will happen if you allow them to.

Please let me know if you have questions or requests regarding letting go of worry. I’m passionate about passing on what I have learned, but really delighted when I know I’m responding to something specific. What concerns you: taking action, knowing when to let go, learning to think less, living in the now? If you’d rather not share, send me a direct message or email and I’ll incorporate your chosen subject in a future post, letting you know when it’s going to appear so you don’t miss it. Thanks for reading and sharing!