Did you see Dr Miriam Stoppard on Sky News this morning? She is publicising a book so may well have appeared on other sofas as well. The book is about grandparents and she was talking about her own experience as a grandmother, but her skin is as smooth as a 23 year-old’s. I think she looks awful. There’s no character, no expression and the youthfulness of her skin just doesn’t go with the wisdom and mature energy that she emanates.
This got me thinking about the fear of aging, which, in women at least, so often manifests itself as a fear of looking old. Quite a different thing, actually. As people know, I don’t advocate worrying or being afraid of anything if we can help it, but the more logical aspects of aging to be feared are death, ill-health, loneliness and money problems. I just tried to do a quick search to find some facts and figures on the anti-aging skincare market but I couldn’t find anything but advertisements and reviews. One result was actually headed up “anti-aging skincare for 20 year-olds”. Anyway, I’m sure I don’t need to provide figures to convince anyone that anti-aging, in the form of skincare, cosmetic surgery and hair dye (to cover grey) is a huge and successful business, preying on our fear of looking old.
The funny thing is – yes, it is funny-peculiar even if not funny-haha – that none of this, the money we throw at anti-aging in the form of procedures and potions, will work. We will continue to get older, a day at a time, for the rest of our lives. And being old, even really old, is surely preferable to the alternative. Are we missing the plot somewhere? What does looking younger (usually unsuccessfully) really achieve? Does it really make us happier? What is so great about youth anyway? My suspicion is that many of us are not so much making a free choice to pursue a youthful look, as buying into the messages from business and the media that tell us youth is better than age.
As I approached my 50th birthday last year, I told everyone about it. I had people hushing me, as if it was a shameful secret, and telling me, over and over, that I “don’t look 50”. Why is that so great? Why is it a compliment? If I told an 18 year-old girl that she didn’t look a day over 15, she’d be affronted, and if I told a woman who ‘fessed up to being 40 that she really looked nearer 50, that would be an insult. Who decides all this and why should it matter? Are we really aiming for a look that is perpetually between 18 and 35? And if we achieve that, will it make us happy?
Looks like an awful lot of futile and irrelevant worry to me………..
Well, I’m here to let you know, loud and proud, that I’m about to start an interesting journey into looking older. I’m letting nature take its course (ooh, sounds scary) and I’ve decided, even told my hairdresser the lovely Jo, that I won’t be covering the grey any more. Jo informs me that there is quite a lot of white in my hair so, gradually, I shall be looking different. I’m going to have highlights put in to start with, to blend it all through, but no more plastering the roots with brown and no more pretending.
I’ve been inspired and encouraged by Kama J Frankling who writes eloquently on this subject, and I’d urge any woman who is even slightly interested in following the same path to check out her blog. I’m quite excited to find out how my looks change, and how I feel about this. I’m also glad to be embracing the real me because, to tell the truth, I’ve felt rather uncomfortable lately about telling everyone I love being 50 and then covering the signs of seniority on my head. And better still, one less thing to worry about – grey roots will become a thing of the past when it’s all grey!
Any thoughts, experiences? Please share, I love it when you do!
Hi I am a 43 year old who just before Christmas got my long curly blonde hair cut off to reveal a silver and dark mass of hair underneath.
People told me I should keep dying my hair when I got it cut off to keep me looking younger but I told them I wanted to be natural and no more putting chemicals onto my head.
My hair has now grown an inch and everyone is commenting on how lovely the colour is and are asking where I gold the silver highlights.
I got my inspiration from a 35 year old who did the same thing and was grey at the front and also another person on facebook that stopped colouring their hair 2 years ago and grew it and she had similar curly hair to me so I could see what it would look like when I did it.
I also raised money getting it cut to raise money for the scouts jamboree so all in all it was a very worthwhile mission and I am pleased with the results. Karma is also a friend of mine that I haven’t seen for many years now but she is always posting on Facebook so I can keep in touch that way :)
Good luck and it really is better than you fear it will be :)
Hi Justine, thank you so much for sharing your story and the encouragement!
Harriet Thank you so much for the lovely mention. I am really looking forward to hearing about your journey. You have asked many inspiring questions here that have me pondering. I will be sharing this post :)
Thank you for being you and for sharing!
I turned 60 this year and up until I was about 57 I never coloured my hair but now I do. I colour it turquoise which shows were I am grey and turns the dark hair into a shimmering dark blue. I do it because it is funky and not to look younger. I do not use any products on my body and only use an organic shampoo as being unwell my hair gets very greasy.
That really does sound creative and individual! I love the idea, thanks for commenting.
Abraham Maslow in his theory of hierarchial needs, suggests that the ultimate goal for all of us, the top of his pyramid, is to reach self-actualisation. The point where our self-acceptance is all embracing, when we no longer seek affirmations from others to tell us we are okay, we are loved, we are acceptable.
Many of us never get there. It’s one thing to reach for the hair dye to please ourselves but a different ball game when we are doing it in some misguided attempt to receive ego stroking.
This post really hit a chord for me Harriet. You have known me many years and I really was quite obsessive about how I looked and dressed. I spent a fortune on any pot of gloop that promised a miracle.
Then I got cancer. There isn’t a pot of gloop to counteract the ravages of cancer treatment, the total hair loss. But what a double-edged sword it has been. I have found the self-obsession with all the shallowness of vanity has left me. Oh, i still have pots of cream, do the best I can to look nice, but I no longer fret the way I used to about getting older. Now I am so grateful to have a chance to get older. It really is okay.
Next week, i am 54 years young and I have earned and love every single crease round my eyes, and I too will merrily embrace the grey with you. I am finally sitting atop the pyramid and I suspect you are too Harriet. Xx
Thank you for your comment Juliana. I feel privileged that you have shared this here. Happy birthday and here’s to looking as amazing as we are supposed to!