Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Worrying seems to be part of a parent’s job, and education is one of the main worry topics. Right now, back in a national lockdown, parents all over the country are dealing with home schooling their children.
Even willing home educators worry. Making the decision to take your child out of school – or not to send them in the first place – is daunting, even terrifying. Once that decision has been made, there are so many concerns: have I done the right thing? Am I up to this? What will people say? The list goes on and on.
But in lockdown, parents have no choice. the full responsibility of educating their children, at least for the time being, has been placed on their shoulders.
If you are one of those parents, you will naturally feel worried, stressed and maybe resentful. Here are five worries which I learned, from my years as a home educator, you should throw out right now.
- They should be learning like they would be at school…
No, they shouldn’t. Schools are set up for individual teachers to deliver education to groups of children. Because of the numbers, they have to have a timetable and divide the day into lessons. They have rules which are appropriate for managing large numbers of students. If a timetable and separate lessons work for you and your child, then by all means implement them, but if you and/or they prefer to work on one thing all morning and another in the afternoon, do that, of course depending on the demands of their online lessons. You will need rules (or to make an agreement with your children about discipline) but these rules will not be the same as the ones at school. Your home is not a school and you are not a teacher. It is true that your child’s school may be able to do things that you can’t, but equally, you can do things that they can’t. Accept the differences! - Should we be taking so many breaks?
Children need frequent breaks. Bear in mind that, at school, there is a break between every lesson while students and/or teachers move around and books are swapped over. There are mini-breaks during lessons while the teacher deals with an individual student, papers are given out or collected, or some sort of interruption occurs. A class of 20 or 30 children is far less intense than a child working on their own or one-to-one. Those of us who work as tutors know this. Students of all ages can learn a lot more in a one-to-one session than during a class, and can find it really tiring. Both have their advantages. Classrooms are exciting, dynamic, curious places and all young people should, during normal times, be able to benefit from them, but one-to-one sessions can help with specific areas or issues. Also, learning anything online is exhausting. When I switched overnight to tutoring on Zoom, I found that we covered a lot more than in a face-to-face session and that both my students and I were more tired afterwards. It’s very intense. Then, during the summer, I took two long courses online and found that I, too, was much more tired after an hour online than an hour at an in-person course. Your child will benefit from frequent breaks during the day and especially after online sessions. Of course, incorporating some movement and making sure they have enough water should also be part of this. - We are in such a muddle!
One of the most common pieces of advice I heard when I started home educating was that I must learn to accept my house being less tidy. This was not hard for me as I am not the most house-proud or organised of mums, but because I know this can be a particularly stressful area, I always repeat the advice to anyone asking me about home education. However you organise your home schooling, everything that goes with it will have to be housed somewhere, and some days you may all be too tired to tidy up as much as you would like. Additionally, your children are living in the house 24/7, and they will leave stuff everywhere. By all means have your rules or agreements, but a conscious decision to drop your standards for the time being, or letting go when you feel frustrated by the muddle, will really help everyone’s stress levels. - Other parents are doing so well.
They may be doing well. I know some parents who have loved the home education journey during 2020 but others who have found it excruciating. Everyone is different and has different strengths and weaknesses. Also, please remember that what you see of other families’ experiences may be carefully curated, especially if it’s via social media. Would any parent take a picture of their children playing computer games instead of doing projects, tearing up their sibling’s painting or shouting at you because you’ve reminded them about a zoom session, then post it on Instagram? Most likely not. They choose the best bits. You are seeing edited highlights. Everyone is doing their best in their own individual circumstances. Elective home educators learn early on that they have to stop comparing. Children are not supposed to make the same progress as their peers at the same time, in the same way. And right now, we are all just trying to get through. Concentrate on what you are doing and forget about comparing yourselves with other families. - What about the future? Tomorrow? Next year? When they’re grown up?
Everyone thinks about their child’s future, and sometimes home educators worry more than most. Because we usually have a structured education system, including exams which lead to further exams, it’s natural to fear that if this is disrupted something bad will happen. If you have read my blog posts before, you may know that my school years were unconventional but I still got into Cambridge University, and my son was home educated and has had his pick of universities and conservatoires. It’s nice to follow the conventional structure, but it’s perfectly possible to get where you want to go via a different route. Plus, there is nothing we can do at the moment. The disruption is happening and we are all trying to get through it as best we can. This generation of young people may be experiencing a lot of difficulties and missing out on things that their predecessors enjoyed, but they are gaining in other ways. Some may mature more quickly, build character and resilience. Some will develop a sense of their place in history much sooner than they would otherwise have done. Some will have the opportunity to follow an interest or passion because they have more time. Some little ones may simply benefit from more cuddles. I do understand and accept that there will not always be a silver lining but we are in a time of uncertainty and we are not in control. The best thing most of us can do about tomorrow, next month and the next decade is to focus on today. Sure, make plans, but then put the future to one side and do today. Fretting about the future will just make things more difficult.
Worry/overthinking is a big subject and one I’ve written about extensively. I’m not suggesting you add something else impossible to your to-do list – ‘stop worrying entirely about five things.’ But please know that a little letting go in these specific areas will give you space and a little more peace of mind. It took me a long time to learn this, so please take advantage of my experience and cut yourself some slack now!
