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Many parents home educate their children but usually there is some element of choice involved and they have time to think about it. They do some research, read some books and make enquiries. If you are a parent with children finishing school today, you have no choice in the matter and there is little time to prepare. You may be wondering what decisions you should make, how to plan your days, how to structure things.
I can offer you some suggestions. When I began home education, over ten years ago, although it wasn’t what I wanted or planned, it was my decision. I had time to think things through, do my research and ask questions. I then went on to make lots of mistakes, through which I learned a lot. Let me share some of the things I learned so, perhaps, you can avoid some of the mistakes.
These are challenging, uncertain times and every bit of experience we can share just might make someone’s life a little easier. So, for the beginning of this journey, what plans should we make, and how?
You are not a teacher (unless you are) and your home is not a school. That will be glaringly obvious to both you and your children. But, because we tend to equate education with school and teachers, the first instinct of most new home educators is to replicate school conditions and to try to be a teacher.
Guess what?
It usually doesn’t go too well.
I tried that too. I thought I should be ‘in charge’ and impose a timetable. I found that I did need to be in charge in terms of taking responsibility, but I am not an outside authority. I live in my home. I couldn’t suddenly become something different. After a while I saw my role as a facilitator. I didn’t educate my child; I facilitated his education. It worked as well as it possibly could have done, after the initial stumbling about.
And timetables? Well, some people like them. Even some children like them. Nothing wrong with timetables. But imposing a timetable, well that’s a different matter altogether. It feels like school but the children know they are not at school. They are used to discussing, negotiating, making deals and agreements with their parents. And if, suddenly, home starts to look and feel like school, it may not go well.
So what’s the answer?
Collaboration.
If this change is happening to you right now, you are all going to feel a bit odd. Confused, disappointed, even afraid. Parents’ fears will differ from those of children, but everyone’s fear is real. And when we are afraid we sometimes take it out on our nearest family members. As a parent, you may react to those feelings by trying to control the situation as much as possible. But, for a moment, just pause and think about it. Do you really want to be in charge of a school day, taking on all the decisions and constantly managing everything, or would you prefer it if there was some support, if you could share the burden?
And your children, they are also feeling the uncertainty. They will feel the need to control, and, depending on their age, may try various ways to grab some of the control for themselves.
If you recognise this dynamic, think about collaboration. In a home education context, this is what it can look like.
Over the weekend, you may want, very gently and casually, to have some conversations about the way forward. What does everyone want? What are your children’s opinions? What elements of school would they like to retain and which ones would they prefer to leave out? What do they think about their own education? What do they feel they need? How do they best learn? How do they think you could help them?
Be curious. You are about to find out things you don’t yet know.
You may be surprised at what you learn. Some children like a routine and want to continue with lessons that resemble classes at school. On the other hand, if, as parents, we listen, we can discover things we would never have guessed. For example, my son told me, very early on in our journey, that he had found it so frustrating at school when they had to stop what they were doing at the end of the class, whether they had finished or not. That was the day we spent hours and hours building a cardboard Empire State Building. It was very late when we finished it, but finish it we did.
Most successful home educators, in my experience, incorporate a significant amount of collaboration, both initially and throughout the process. And most children like to be consulted. Even the youngest ones have their opinions and appreciate being heard.
This doesn’t stop you covering the subjects you need to, following the instructions or guidelines provided by your child’s teachers, and ensuring they continue to learn. Children can learn what they need to in a multitude of ways. At school, there has to be a lot of uniformity because there are so many children and so few adults. Your home is not like that so you can be much more flexible.
Take the pressure off yourselves. There are no rules. Collaborate and find the approach that works best for you. Feel free to ask questions or post your experiences in the comments or contact me directly at info@harrietstack.com.
