How we learn, and learning to think

I used to have rather fixed ideas about education. As a naturally academic person myself, good at exams and gaining qualifications, I believed that educational success meant learning a lot of facts and skills, getting qualified and having a great ‘education’ section in your CV. Here I am, after receiving my Masters degree last year. When my son was born, I wondered which subjects he’d enjoy at school, what he’d study at university, and whether he’d be a doctor or stockbroker. I hoped he would learn more languages than I had and be better at maths than I am!

What I didn’t know 17 years ago, but have since learned, is that the academic route, even the school route, isn’t right for every child. And it may have nothing to do with how clever they are. My son is intelligent, knowledgeable and talented, but for reasons that are his, and are too personal to detail here, school didn’t work for him. Once he moved to our large local comprehensive at 11, it was only a matter of time before a variety of medical issues made it impossible for him to attend regularly.

I made a decision that surprised many people, including myself. I took him out of school to continue his education at home. This was one of the most scary things I have ever done, and not an easy decision to make, but I knew I had to show up as a parent and be willing to let go of my beliefs about exams and qualifications and learning according to a syllabus. Luckily, I was already working from home so I didn’t have to change my working life much, although the plan had been to get back into employed practice and that is something I have had to let go of as well.

I found out a lot, very quickly. I learned that, in England and Wales, the law says that you only have to provide ‘suitable’ education for your child, and you don’t have to send them to school, follow the national curriculum, stick to term times or a school day, have formal lessons or prepare for GCSEs. You have an obligation to ensure your child receives an education suitable for them as an individual. Obviously they have to learn to read and write, do maths and understand the world around them, but other than that, every child, like every other person, is different and needs to know and learn different things.

It was four years ago that I made the big decision, and since then we have been on countless trips, had hours and hours of conversations, looked things up, experimented and experienced things. We did very little of the formal stuff and I have always referred to our activities as ‘home education’ rather than ‘home schooling.’ There was nothing school-like about it! Now my son’s focus is largely on music, which will become his career. He works a lot but doesn’t consider it hard work. He also knows an enormous amount of history, but isn’t sure how he learned it, is a serious film fanatic and always knows what is going on in the world. He can run his bank account and is learning to drive.

I wouldn’t have chosen home education purely as a lifestyle choice, as it requires a lot of courage and is time and energy consuming, and incompatible with full time, employed work for at least one parent. But I am so grateful I have had this experience, not only because it was the right thing to do in our circumstances, but because I have learned so much myself. Some of what I have learned is factual and experiential, but a lot of it is about me and the way I think. I learned that exams and qualifications have their place but not always for everyone. That nurturing your child so they are a whole and happy person is more important than trying to fit them into a box that is painful for them. That learning to think independently is at least as important as learning facts. We can look up facts but if we don’t learn to think for ourselves, creatively, we are missing out on a lot. And I’ve learned that I can change my attitudes and beliefs and open up to new ideas. I hope that I go on doing that!

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