I love reading those interviews which ask a set of specific questions, such as “who would you invite to your dream dinner party?”, “what is your most unappealing habit?” and “how would you like to be remembered?” The Guardian Weekend Magazine runs an interview like that every week. I don’t mind if the interviewee is famous or not; they could be anyone. I just like to know how people tick and what they think. I’d love to quiz all my friends like this but I’m not sure they’d thank me!
I always know what I’d answer to “how would you like to be remembered”. I think of a friend, not close but long-standing, who died a few years ago. A very straightforward, well-intentioned and wise man. He once said to me, about my life as a single parent trying to manage everything myself, “you and that boy ought to have a bit more fun”.
I went to his funeral and, the next day, took my son to the graveyard so we could pay our respects together. We read the cards on the wreaths and there was one from his grandchildren which read “thank you for being fun and kind”. What more could a grandparent ask? And what more could a grandchild want than a grandfather who was fun and kind?
I remember that it was a beautiful day in September and we picked blackberries at the edge of the graveyard. I remember my son delighting in the foraging as children do, and the gentleness of the whole experience. But most of all I remember this kind, fun man, his benign influence on my life and that touching message.
So this is what I always think of when I see that question. Of course it would be nice to make a difference, to achieve something momentous, but being remembered as fun and kind means that you have indeed made a difference – it’s a great achievement. And if that’s how I’d like to be remembered, it’s how I should try and be, on a daily basis. How would you answer this question, and does your answer inform how you live your life today?
