Just be.

Well, I didn’t know I was going to have a rest from blogging and newsletters for the whole Summer. What with various family issues, the dog’s health and my health, however, time has flown and I’ve just been keeping up with the essentials. Sometimes barely!

All this has prompted me to think more deeply about that thing people sometimes say. You know, ‘we’re not human beings, we’re human doings!’ It usually comes out when someone is rushing around trying to fix everything, protesting that everything on their to-do list is absolutely vital, and wearing themselves out. I’ve been there and gradually, very very gradually, I have had that belief in the importance of constant activity prised away from me. I do know now that sometimes, or even often, it’s important to stop doing things and just be.

Since May I have been doing a lot of looking after. After my mother fell and broke her hip, she was hospitalised twice more because of cardiac issues, and needed all sorts of extra help from me for quite some time. Of course it was all a shock for me, and of course I felt anxious. It really helped to be doing things: visiting, transporting, shopping, cleaning, caring and dealing with hospitals, doctors and other agencies. But that wasn’t always what she needed. She also needed someone to sit quietly, perhaps watch television or do the crossword with her. She needed to know I was there and that I continued to be me, Harriet, not just a super efficient all-singing all-dancing fixer of everything. She didn’t want a super daughter, she wanted the one she already had, including imperfections!

I also had Alfie to look after; he had his op at the end of May and has had more investigations since, plus a bout of nasty gastroenteritis. Because he started limping again, he is going in for more major surgery tomorrow morning. I do everything I have to in order to make sure he is as comfortable as possible, including dealing with medication, trying to get him to keep all four paws on the ground, and making decisions based on the vet’s advice. It’s frustrating that I can’t take him for walks or play with him, but because of this our relationship has subtly changed. A lot of the time, we just ‘be’ together. He likes to sit leaning against me, or lie nearby while I am working. If he goes into the garden, he prefers that one of us comes with him, just to be there with him.

So I have been reflecting that there is a lot more value in this being business than I previously realised. Sometimes, in fact, it’s the most valuable and powerful thing that we can possibly do. I have had friends say, when things have been difficult for me, ‘what can I do?’ or, ‘I wish there was something I could do.’ And I have said these same things many times myself. But the fact is that often what we want when we are in crisis is just to know that our friends and family are there. We want them to continue to be themselves, exactly as they are.

This week, while I continue to recover from a virus and infection and the aggressive side effects of antibiotics, I am focussing on just being. My plan is to be the best me I can in each moment, just turning up and seeing what that moment requires of me. A lot of the time, just being me is enough. Trying to do, do, do and fix, fix, fix can chip away at my ability to be me. In any event, many things can’t be fixed, and many more fix themselves, or someone else does it.

If you are not sure what to do, how about just being? Especially in this busy ‘back to school’ period, it’s tempting to feel we have to get everything right, that there’s so much to do. I now know that when my son was at school, he probably needed a lot less of me rushing around doing, and a lot more of me just being me, that comforting presence most of us remember, if we are lucky enough, of a parent who was quietly there for us.

So this is my challenge: can you find time today, or this week, just to be? Can you connect with the power of that? Please let me know how you get on.