Now this is really something to worry about

Just a quick post, different from my usual ones, but I am wanting to show up as myself and keep getting my message out there: we can deal with difficult life issues without being paralysed by worry.

Yesterday morning we were all involved in preparations for my mother’s 76th birthday today. Then she had a fall, broke her hip and has ended up in hospital. Today she is waiting, nil by mouth, for surgery to partially replace the hip. Rehab will be lengthy as she has MS and the side she fell on is her ‘good’ side. So now she has two ‘bad’ sides.

I have had a lot to deal with and there will be plenty to come. Life is uncertain and stressful. I have had to change plans and some of this has been costly. I’ve spent most of the time since we got to the hospital on the phone, texting and emailing to keep in touch with the many people who want to know how she is. And inevitably, I am tired, drained, upset and headachy. I feel a bit anxious. I don’t want to eat. In fact, I feel like crap.

But having the knowledge that I can control my thinking, that worry doesn’t work, is bad for me, and is optional, sets me free, especially on days like today. I am feeling rubbish but I could be feeling a lot worse. I am accepting support, allowing things to be as they are rather than fighting with reality, being grateful even for the seemingly bad stuff, looking after myself and allowing my mind to be still. When my thoughts try to race ahead to the future, whether later today or next week or next month, I gently bring them back to the here and now.

A few days ago I blogged about my dog, Alfie, needing an operation and about the way I am dealing with that without worrying. Of course this is in a totally different league and in the past I would have said something like, ‘well, you can’t help worrying, can you?’ Here is my chance to show up and say, ‘actually, I don’t have to worry, and I know how to avoid it.’ I may not be really happy, and in fact that would be rather odd. But my mind is quiet and peaceful and I am in touch with my feelings.

I am ready to show up at the hospital at the right time, with as much energy and positivity as I can muster.

If you have a problem that is causing you pain, a significant proportion of that pain may be a result of your thinking about the problem. If you feel you can never get away from the situation, that your worries are with you whenever you are awake, please know that it doesn’t have to be like this. We might have difficult days, weeks even, and we might feel bad, but we can still have free and peaceful minds. If I wanted to think about what this new situation means for my mother, for me and for the rest of the family, I could get really carried away. I could, in my mother’s inimitable words, ‘go downhill in a wheelbarrow.’ But today I know I have a choice not to do that.

That’s me today, spontaneous, unedited and raw. Showing up for life and to share what I am learning. Please spare a thought for a beautiful, brave lady who is in a lot of pain but facing what she knows is a very uncertain future with amazing courage. Thank you for reading.