Parenting classes are in the news this morning. Three years ago, like many other people, I thought that attending such classes meant there was something wrong with you as a parent, particularly as I knew that sometimes courts ordered parents to go to them. I would never have asked about parenting classes, and would certainly not have thought they were appropriate for “someone like me”, a well educated, professional single parent who had put a great deal of effort and dedication into looking after her son.
This is not the place to re-hash the details of all our family issues; suffice it to say that we have had plenty, and three years ago I made a big decision and took the Teenager out of school to educate him at home in the hope of replacing some of the challenges with nurturing and healing. For many years I have had a great deal of support from our local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) and at this point they offered us a number of opportunities. One of them was for me to attend, free of charge, a series of 10 parenting classes run by a local community interest company, http://www.theministryofparenting.com. I said yes, despite reservations, because I knew I needed all the support I could get.
I had no idea what to expect when I turned up the first evening, but was pleasantly surprised. The other parents were all like me, dedicated to their parenting and open-minded enough to be willing to listen to suggestions as to how to improve it. The course I attended, tailored for parents of teenagers, made a particular point of nurturing us: there were cakes and biscuits, and the leaders took the trouble to find out what kind of tea or coffee we preferred, so by the second session camomile tea had been bought especially for me. Some of the exercises were very nurturing too – there were prizes and stickers. The leaders were extremely non-judgmental and kind. We laughed a lot and made friends.
What did I learn? Well, one of the most important things was something I had suspected for a while: you can’t really control what your teenager does, so the best way to influence them is to work on your relationship with them. We were given homework every week to spend time with our teenager doing whatever they wanted to do, and we were taught a lot about how their minds work, the changes they are going through and how this can affect us. We learned the best ways to communicate about problems. We discussed stress management and learned new approaches. Specific topics like sex and drugs were covered too.
And what did I get out of it? A tremendous amount. A sense of relief, learning that I was much more successful as a parent than I had thought, and I became much more relaxed about the whole idea of parenting. Most of all, it was attending this course which helped me to find joy in being a parent, to start, for the first time, really to love being a mum.
If you ever get the chance to attend a course like this one, please go for it! All you need is an open mind and 10 spare evenings, and it could change your life dramatically. Forget about the stigma and embrace new possibilities!
