Sharing and caring

Today I’ve been working on the community section of my book, which talks about how it helped to surround myself with supportive people, the experts I sought out and how my community helped me to walk away from compulsive worrying.

Just a word about sharing. We are always told “a problem shared is a problem halved”. This can be true, but the way we share, and what we do next is crucially important. I found that it is also vital not to rely on this one (or any one) strategy alone, but to make it part of a wider anti-worry campaign.

We need to choose the right people to share with, people who will listen without judgment but will not get caught up in sympathising with us or agreeing how awful everything is. Those things just tend to keep us in the problem and can even become rather seductive so that we repeat the process of talking about our problem and eliciting sympathy, like wiggling a sore tooth. Depending on the nature of the problem or worry, it’s also important, clearly, that the person we choose is trustworthy and someone we feel really comfortable with.

It is usually helpful to speak about our worries, to put them in words especially if we have not done so before, and in so doing to avoid isolating ourselves. It is just as important, then, to know that we have shared the worry and to stop there! If we can share with someone and then either change the subject or walk away, leaving our friend with the knowledge, this is a form of handing over and letting go and we can really feel the burden lifting. Sharing the same worry over and over, however, is a bit like handing over and then pulling it back in again, over and over!

It’s good to share, and even better to approach it carefully and mindfully. The mistake so many people make, however, is to think that this alone will deal with a big worry. My experience tells me that sharing, however vital, is merely the tip of the iceberg. There is much more that can be done, each activity or practice interdependent with the others, to form a coherent, holistic approach which worry just can’t stand up to.

A quick word about counselling, coaching and therapy: sometimes we know we need to do more than share with a friend. These days, there are a range of professionals available to help us work through deeper problems, as well as organisations such as religious groups and 12 step fellowships. If you need more than a friendly listening ear over a cup of tea, look for the right person; you will know when you have found them.

Now I’d like to ask you to do something for me. If you’ve found this post, or any of my earlier ones, interesting or helpful, please share them on Facebook, Twitter or whichever social media platform you prefer. And if you have questions or comments, please either comment below or contact me separately. Thanks for listening and thanks for sharing too!