When I’m running or walking in the countryside near my home, I usually greet people with as cheerful a “hi” or “morning” as I can muster according to my level of exertion. Yesterday, I was running through the fields down to the estuary and passed a couple of kids going the other way. The oldest was about 13 or 14. I looked at her, smiled and puffed “hello”; she just stared back with her mouth open.
Now, I refuse to assume that this girl just has bad manners or didn’t understand what I was saying. I think that, in all likelihood, she just isn’t used to adults greeting her. It’s quite possible that the last thing she expected was a red-faced, middle-aged woman in lycra looking her in the eye and smiling.
Of course, teenagers can be grumpy and hormonal, and they are going through a very difficult transition from childhood to adulthood. Most of us can remember how painful it could be at times and how we felt that the rest of the world didn’t understand us. But is that an excuse for the rest of us to ostracise anyone between the ages of 13 and 18? After all, every single one of us has been a teenager for several years, and every sweet, funny, innocent small child will, God willing, become a teenager. Teenagers are people!
When my son was about 14, he and some of his friends bought some cans of fizzy drink in our nearest Tescos and sat on a bench in the car park drinking them. They were asked to move by one of the supermarket employees. They had done nothing wrong (they’re nice kids) apart from being at that awkward age. Doesn’t this show a generalised prejudice against teenagers? No other type of person would be moved along in this situation.
I’m not just the mum of a teenager; I frequently advise teenagers who are in trouble with the police, in the stressful environment of a police custody suite, needing to develop a rapport and encourage them to trust me. Most of them think the police have got it in for them, but, even more worrying, also seem to feel unworthy, not valued. No wonder they end up in the situations they do. There’s a whole other blog post in this – probably several!
My point is this. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt, at least initially, and show them a modicum of politeness and respect. They may be younger than us but – I know I’m labouring the point but I think it needs to be hammered home – they are people too. How can we expect them to respect us, relate to us on a human level and feel like a part of society if we marginalise them?
I’m not about to suggest that, if we just smile and say “hi” to our local teenagers, who usually have nothing better to do than wonder round in groups, they will suddenly change and become model citizens. The hormones and the child/adult transition are facts of life. But maybe, just maybe, if enough of us thought a little about treating them like the adults they will one day become, sending them some love as they struggle with the pain of growing up, there might be a tiny shift in their sense of self-worth and self-respect. What have we got to lose? Smiling, respect and politeness are free, after all!
