The Maverick Bluestocking on Big Decisions

We all know that decisions can change the course of our lives, and that sometimes we have to make brave decisions. I have been reflecting recently on a big decision I made five years ago that had a huge impact on my life.

For reasons that are personal to him, my son always found school very difficult, and by the time he was 13, in a large comprehensive, it was unbearable. He is very clever and talented but just couldn’t cope with the hustle and bustle and structure of school.

We tried everything but I had to face up to the fact that things were only going to get worse if he stayed at school. So I researched home education and decided we would give it a try. Luckily, having a legal background meant it was easy for me to feel confident that I was doing everything in a way that would satisfy the authorities and it seems to me that many more parents would take this route if they understood their rights and responsibilities better.

Anyway. It was a very big deal because I am a single parent and had just qualified into a profession. Having the Teenager at home meant that I had to try and work freelance and part time and, in fact, let go of my ambitions for a legal career. My son’s wellbeing, his very existence in fact, was more important. I had no idea how we would survive financially or whether we could make it work; I just knew that something had to change. I wasn’t even scared, really.

I imagined that we would spend our days 9-3.30 doing lessons and writing, following a structure that looked as much like school as possible. That didn’t work for us, as it turned out. We ran his education in a very fluid, autonomous way, doing outings, having lots of conversations, making things and exploring life in all its shades and patterns.

Having time and space and freedom allowed the Teenager to spend more and more of his attention on music. This was definitely the right thing for him. He hasn’t been able to take conventional exams (home educated kids can do GCSEs and A levels – it just wasn’t right for him) but he has worked hard at his music exams and now is working hard at making music his life.

As you can imagine, being a very academic person with qualifications coming out of her ears, this wasn’t all plain sailing for me. I knew he was bright enough to get to university and do really well before that, and I believed that all those things were important. But the experience of accepting that other things are more important, and that school doesn’t teach us everything we need about thinking, allowed me to let go of my assumptions about what is best. In fact, now I can see that not being at school has enhanced the Teenager’s creativity. We have a rather unconventional household, working the hours we want to work, as tidy or untidy as we feel like, full of creative energy and inspiration. I have always encouraged him to think for himself, to believe that often there is no one right answer, and to follow his dreams.

The latest result is this song which he has written and saved up to have produced and recorded. He sings every part and plays every instrument. I am proud, yet this is everyday life for us. If you want to listen, be warned that some of the lyrics, if you can make them out, are adult themed.

I couldn’t be more pleased that I made the decision to home educate. Looking back, it seems a very brave thing to do but it didn’t feel brave, or even that big, because it was so clear to me that it was the right thing to do.

Have you made a big, brave decision that changed your life, or even your whole family’s life? Was it hard or did it seem so ‘right’ that you didn’t really consider any other course of action? Please share!