Thinking about getting older

During 2012 I celebrated my 50th birthday. All year, in fact. I’d decided at the end of 2010 to do 50 different things to celebrate my big birthday, rather than have a party or a one-off trip. It’s been an amazing experience and I’ve gained wisdom, self-knowledge and growth.

Early on in the year, I started to ask myself what it all meant. Why was I doing this big celebration and what message did I want to share as a result? My question was answered by the reaction I experienced when I told people what I was doing. Some people said, ‘shhh, don’t say you’re going to be 50,’ as if it was something to be ashamed of. I got – still get – a lot of comments suggesting that I don’t look 50. And some people said, ‘oh yes, it’s best to have a big party, that helps you get through it.’

These reactions told me that lots of people think that reaching 50 is something to be feared, perhaps even to be ashamed of, and at best to be ‘got through.’ Certainly not something to be celebrated, shouted about and thought of as a wonderful achievement. Funny that, because several decades of anything else, such as marriage, staying in the same employment, or clean or sober time, are always celebrated with a fanfare and much congratulating. The more I noticed the negative reactions, the more I thought that I didn’t want any part of this.

To be absolutely honest, when I first started planning my birthday year and came face to face with the fact that I would be entering my 50s, I had not been happy. I had an image of a grandmother, someone with glasses (ok, I have seven pairs in two prescriptions), grey hair (that too) and false teeth (not yet, thank goodness!). Someone who calls people ‘dear’ and doesn’t sit on the floor. Doesn’t swear, do silly things, or have sex any more. I didn’t want that person to be me! But then I realised that it was going to happen anyway, and it was in my power to change my attitude and therefore my experience, just by thinking and responding differently.

So I decided that I would celebrate my big birthday in a big way. Now, anyone who knows me would say that I’m not a loud person, rather shy and retiring in fact. But I did talk about being 50 – a lot. I told anyone who would listen what I was up to, explained when I went on a roller coaster (never again), a high ropes course (scary but what an achievement) and white water rafting (brilliant!) exactly what I was there for. I blogged, wrote social media statuses and talked some more. I was doing it first for myself, to make reaching 50 a positive exciting thing, simply by telling myself and everyone around me that was what it was. And secondly I wanted to encourage other women to adopt a similar attitude.

Now, I have to say that I know lots of women who are over 50 and say that they’ve never felt better or happier and they love being that age. I also know women in their late 40s who are looking forward to their big birthdays. But I am absolutely sure that for every one of those positive ladies, there is at least one who dreads reaching her 50s, who feels it will turn her into a granny overnight, and who tries not to think about it. And we all know that there are countless women spending huge amounts of money to ‘turn back the clock’ in terms of how they look. I am all for looking my best, but I’m happy for that best to be a healthy, happy woman in mid-life, rather than someone who would pass for 38 on a good day. I don’t want to fool anyone else and I don’t want to fool myself. I’m really proud of where I am right now.

Do you know anyone who is trying to resist the passage of time, dreading the day she wakes up, no longer in her 40s? Or a woman in her early 50s who feels the best days of her life are behind her, and perhaps can only be recaptured if she looks younger? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to give those ladies a beautiful gift, to take away the negativity, the worry and the low self-worth? I believe that gift is right here, available to each and every one of us if we talk about it enough, and if we decide we want it. All we have to do is decide that mid-life is going to be different for women from now on. Ok, we may not be the same shape as we were, we may have grey hair and our skin may be looser, but we have the priceless treasure of wisdom, experience and character. We could, if we wanted to, eagerly anticipate our 50th birthday as a watershed, a wonderful moment to celebrate our womanliness, our spirituality, our grace and the respect that others have for us. All we have to do is make this decision. If enough of us decide individually, and share our perspective, it might just be powerful enough to make that decision collective, to help our society to change its view of middle aged women.

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