Thinking about money

I’ve got a money tree in my garden. Actually, I made it myself, as you might be able to tell. It’s a reminder that we all have beliefs about that incredibly emotive subject – money – that we have absorbed from all sorts of different sources. ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’ is one of the most common sayings; we also hear, ‘money is the root of all evil,’ ‘filthy rich,’ and ‘make an honest living.’ Interesting, isn’t it, to realise how closely intertwined money has become with morality, in our society and our language?

Last year, at the ripe old age of 49, I decided that I needed to do something about my relationship with money, specifically the way I thought about money. I’d taken on various beliefs and attitudes from my family and also assumed that, as a woman, I wasn’t strong enough to earn money and make powerful financial decisions. I’d also taken to heart some of the things that had gone wrong during my life, money-wise, and decided that these disappointments and changes of direction made me a ‘failure’.

Luckily, I met Rosemary Cunningham, who is a gifted therapist and also a wonderful money and business coach, helping people to heal their relationships with money. I’ve now worked with Rosemary for a year, both on a one-to-one basis and in a teleconference group, and so much has changed.

Being in the group was a revelation. We all talked about our families and how we were taught to think about and act around money. Several of us said, ‘I thought all families were like that,’ or ‘I thought everyone felt like that about money.’ Of course, we were all different. Hearing the other women’s stories helped me to understand that my beliefs and assumptions were just that, rather than incontrovertible fact.

And working privately with Rosemary has given me a safe space and encouragement to hold up some of those assumptions to the light, see them for what they are, and ask myself if they are really serving me. I had mistakenly thought a ‘money coach’ was going to make me do painful things, look at interest rates and reorganise my accounts and borrowing. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s been an inside job, healing the stuff that wasn’t working well, so that I could then happily take on the organising myself.

I expect you would like me to tell you that, after a few months of changing my focus and challenging what was in my head, I am now a millionaire, or at least rolling in dosh. Well, things are better and I feel a lot better about the future, but the biggest and most important change is inside me, not in my bank account. I used to recoil at the mention of anything financial, churn with fear and guilt when I had to do anything connected to money, and dread things going wrong in the future. Now, it’s different. I deal with money when it comes up, but I don’t get all emotional about it and I don’t put my head in the sand. It’s just another part of my life, not a nasty scary thing that is just waiting to make me feel bad. And this change has been a significant part of my healing journey away from chronic worry. I’m sensible and responsible (most of the time) but I don’t worry about money. If I am being a grown up, facing facts and doing my best, worry is, again, pointless. It also gets in the way of doing those grown up things with money that we all need to get around to sometime.

And why has this come up to day? After all, it’s a sunny, if chilly, Sunday, and most people are having a day off. Well, a thought popped into my head this morning that I wanted to share. I have, for quite a while, seen the financial ups and downs of my past as a struggle. The job losses, business failures, divorces, windfalls and shortages. Like a roller coaster, always uncertain, out of control and scary. The idea I had was to rename my money history as a dance. A dance can be uncertain and out of control, it can have its ups and downs, fast and slow phases, loud and quiet times. But the concept of a dance is positive, creative and interesting. Uncertainty, in a dance, adds to the entertainment and fascination. There is story, colour, transformation and change; in fact without these things a dance would be boring and pedestrian. And to be honest, my life might have been many things, but it has never ever been boring.

So that’s my thought for the day and it has brightened my day that little bit more. I’m changing the struggle to a dance and I invite you to borrow the idea if it’s helpful. And also, here’s a little nudge to ask yourself about your relationship with money: is it healthy, enjoyable? Or do you feel emotional or uncomfortable when you think or talk about finances? We are so lucky now that there are experts to help us heal that pain and discomfort. If you could do with feeling happier or more comfortable around money, why not talk to someone who could help you get on a healing journey?

Do leave me your comments below, and if you’d like to keep in regular touch, sign up for my newsletter. Let’s share the journey!