Home educating families often say that the adults learn as much as the children. That was certainly my experience. In a home educating situation, it is often a case of learning together. This might seem obvious where younger children are involved, say of primary age, but teenagers also ask questions that parents can’t answer straight away. A lot of our learning was based on days out to museums, castles and other sites of historic interest; these places are a learning experience in themselves.
There is another type of learning, though: what one might term ‘life lessons.’ I’ve been reflecting on the life lessons that home education taught me, and how I benefit from them today.
Curiosity drives learning
Human beings are naturally curious. Many parents remember the first time a toddler asked, ‘why?’ and how the questioning then went on and on! Little children pick things up that they shouldn’t, poke their fingers into things, and want to know everything. For some children, anxiety, especially at school, can diminish curiosity. To follow our curiosity, we need to feel free and safe. We need to know that no one will laugh at our questions.
Our home educating partnership was calm and safe. Gradually, my son started to ask questions. ‘How do mortgages work?’ ‘What do you think about capital punishment?’ ‘What is university like?’ I took the time to answer those questions at length, looking things up when I needed to. The questions often led to long conversations.
Adults need to cherish their curiosity. I sometimes worry that having the internet at our fingertips eliminates that interesting sensation of wondering. I wonder if… I wonder why… I wonder how… I try to encourage my students to wonder about things. English encompasses many topics, and students often ask questions that might not be related to what we are doing. When I can, I stop and answer the question, or we do some research together. Without curiosity, there would be no progress.
The power of ‘I don’t know’
You will notice that I have mentioned looking things up or doing research together. There is no shame in not knowing something, especially when you are facilitating a young person’s home education. We teach by demonstrating behaviour, so when we explain that we don’t know something and then we take action to find out, we are helping our young people to become independent learners. I often tell my students that I don’t know something. This can even be the exact definition of a word; I may have a good ‘feel’ for the meaning and I may know how to use the word, but I may suddenly find that I can’t supply a precise definition. This often happens with students who don’t speak English at home, and who are often more concerned about understanding every single word they read. If I don’t know, I explain this and I look the word up. Simples, as we used to say quite a few years ago.
Listen
Everyone wants to be heard. Many children are to nervous to speak up in class or to ask a question that they fear might be ‘silly.’ Life is fast and busy and it can be difficult to stop and make time to listen. Home education means that time must exist. There is no ‘class size,’ just individuals on their own journey. I found that our days out, in particular, provided excellent opportunities for listening time. I already had a professional interest in listening, from my experience taking instructions from clients (many of them teenagers) in the criminal justice system. My master’s dissertation was all about the human rights of young people in police stations: a situation where accurate, active listening is vital.
Sometimes, being heard can change things. A teenager in trouble with the law can suddenly feel that what they have to say matters, and this can be the beginning of an increase in self worth. A young person who has suffered with anxiety at school may start to relax when they find themselves in a comfortable situation with an adult who wants to hear what they have to say. This may take patience, but it’s worth it!
Of course, now that I work one-to-one with students, a large part of my job is listening. I need to listen to what my students tell me, but also to what might be behind it. Finding a subject boring might mean that they don’t quite understand it. Not managing to finish tasks in school can mean they feel rushed or that they need to adjust their approach.
These are the little lessons I learned: encourage curiosity; admit it when you don’t know; make time to listen. But they’ve made a big difference to me.
