The Samaritans carry out an annual survey asking respondents what they worry about most. On one day in November, they asked 2,000 people a number of questions about their worries and what they do to address them. Unsurprisingly, the most common worries are about money, debt and bank balances , closely followed by issues with family and relationships. There is more detail here.
This year, a new question was added to the survey, asking people how they deal with their worries. It transpires that only 37% of respondents actually talk about their problems. 29% chose to “grin and bear it” and 26% used alcohol.
That’s 580 people who just soldier on, keeping their worries to themselves. And this is just a sample of the population; there must be many, many people in this country and elsewhere who live with worries, taking no action to deal with how they feel. This saddens me for several reasons. First of all, at the very least surely everyone knows the old saying “a problem shared is a problem halved”. If we have no-one we feel we can share with, we are going through life in a very isolated way. Also, the sense of resignation that this is how life has to be comes through very clearly to me. Does it really? Are we really born to fret and worry about things without any hope of feeling freer and brighter?
Taking a step further, I’m very concerned, more and more so in fact, that so many of us seem to believe that there is really nothing that can be done to reduce or eliminate worry. It seems to be accepted as a fact of life. We hear it all the time: “you have to worry don’t you?” – “I can’t help worrying”- “it’s very worrying, isn’t it?” Yet we all know that worrying is a futile waste of energy, achieves nothing and at worst can make us extremely ill. Do we really, truly believe that this is the way we have to go through life, expending energy and making ourselves ill through a futile and misery-making mental exercise?
This is what I’m all about at the moment. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, yes worrying is futile and no it isn’t inevitable. You can have serious, real problems that don’t go away and still live a relatively worry-free life. That is what I learned during 2012, and it was worth every single moment of anxiety, every morning waking up with a knot in my stomach, and every hour of mental twisting and turning to learn that lesson. I am now free and I am determined to shout this message as loud as I can!
As you can see, today has been a research day, and I’ve already been pottering around social media a little asking people what they worry about. This is my big question today: what do you, or did you used to, worry about? What do your friends and family worry about and what do your clients worry about? Money, family, losing weight, work, relationships, etc etc etc. Please let me know. I’ll keep it all confidential and if you prefer you can send me a private message or email me at info@harrietstack.com. I’m not carrying out proper formal research (although I wouldn’t completely rule that out for some point in the future); I just want to see how people respond, to get a sense of what goes on in all our minds, rather than just making assumptions based on my own experiences. I’ll share what I find out in general terms, both in a future post and in the book when it comes out. Thanks in advance for your responses.
Great articlel Harriet..
I remember waking up in fear one night. I was just after I’d earnt more money than I’d ever had in month. I was worrying where on earth the next would come from!
I’ve since learnt that focussing on what is already in my life, all the amazing things that exist, the hot water that comes out of the tap, the clean water, my warm bed, my safe home, my friends who I can always call on, so many things. When I do have the occasional panic in the night now, I get up, make a cup of tea and write out all the things I’m thankful for and I go straight back to sleep! Amazing!
Rosemary
Thank you Rosemary, I love this comment. As you know, I’m a big believer in practising gratitude as well, and I love talking about it as much as possible. I really like the point you make about the panics that will inevitably arise, but that can be quashed quite easily.
I find that most of my coaching clients worry about money. It’s surprising that so many have this worry even when their finances are quite robust. They are luckily part of that smart subset of the population that are speaking to someone about it (me) and actually doing something about it (receiving coaching and taking positive steps).
Thank you, yes it’s interesting that worrying about money seems to bear little relation to the state of someone’s finances. And as you point out, these are the people who are addressing their issues; the vast majority are not taking such positive action.